It may be a bit of both—i.e., you AND your child may be a pain in the neck. A child’s behavior is a function of his own temperament and also his environment. One of the most common reasons parents may seek therapy for their children can be related to what appear to be symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder, or ODD. Instead of normal moodiness, you may believe your child is displaying signs of ODD. Behaviors associated with ODD can include:
- Negativity
- Defiance
- Disobedience
- Hostility directed toward authority figures
Children with ODD may regularly:
- Have temper tantrums
- Be argumentative with adults
- Refuse to comply with adult requests or rules
- Annoy other people deliberately
- Blame others for mistakes or misbehavior
- Act touchy and be easily annoyed
- Feel anger and resentment
- Be spiteful or vindictive
- Act aggressively toward peers
- Have difficulty maintaining friendships
- Have academic problems
- Feel a lack of self-esteem
ODD can be complex and involve a variety of influences, circumstances and/or genetic components. There’s no single factor that causes ODD. Possible risk factors include:
- Abuse or neglect (not necessarily having to do with the current family system)
- Harsh or inconsistent discipline
- Lack of supervision
- Lack of positive parental involvement
- Parents engaged in a severely troubled marriage
- Family history of ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct problems
- Financial problems in the family
- Instability which often accompanies divorce, multiple moves, and/or changing schools or child care providers frequently
Your child isn’t likely to see his or her own behavior as defiant. Instead, your child will probably believe unreasonable demands are being placed on him or her; maybe they are; and/or perhaps they are not.
The kinds of stressful situations and changes indicated above can disrupt a child’s sense of stability (and/or attachment) and can increase the risk of disruptive behavior. What we know for certain is all children respond differently to these examples of environmental stressors; some need more assistance than others will in adopting new, more effective coping and/or self-soothing behaviors for improved outcomes.
The message I’d like to convey is whether your child is simply moody, or actually displaying signs of ODD, it is good to remind ourselves as parents that often a child has very little control over his/her environment and will express “No!!” any way they can. Your child’s “No!!” is his/her means of communicating to you and/or others about the environment overall and his/her place in it—not necessarily intended as a response to you, a specific requirement, or situation. Some of these behaviors will in fact present as more pronounced when the child is with the person(s) with whom they feel the safest exhibiting their real feelings.
Your child is responsible for his behavior, but how you respond to your child’s behavior is your responsibility and well within your control. Your response to your child’s behavior is critical in terms of escalating or not, validating feelings or trying to stifle them, and teaching your child strategies for moving forward and remaining calm.
Whether you experience an acute tantrum or suspect something more significant may be going on with your child, be open to the idea that your child may need more options, different choices, more time or different quality time. And if you suspect your child might have ODD, know professional guidance is available and encouraged.