If you are a Dad, you know you have many options – there are all kinds of fathers. For example, you might be a:
- Hard-charging corporate Dad with a full schedule, squeezing in valuable kid time whenever you can;
- Stay-at-home Dad attending to your kids’ daily emotional and physical needs and at times neglecting your own;
- Working Dad determined to leave work at 5:00 pm (or so) to ensure kids and wife feel just as important (if not more so) than work in terms of your mind-share and heart-share.
But that’s not all. There are many options in terms of your relationship with your kids:
- Disciplinarian–the “No!” parent;
- Lenient, indulgent–the parent whose child exclaims, “I love you for buying me that shirt when Mom said ‘Not today;’”
- Consultative—the Dad whose input to his child often begins something like, “Well, these are some of the ways you might handle that situation;”
- Roll-up-your sleeves—the Dad who might be heard saying, “I’ll help you with your homework tonight—and for as long as it takes!”
Where do you fit in?
My point in listing all these variations is to allow you to focus today on—and to judge yourself as a Dad based upon—the standards you set for yourself according to your own values, characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, and the needs of your family.
Remember today that we watch T.V. shows like “Mad Men” and “Modern Family” to be taken somewhere outside our own selves and life situation while simultaneously perhaps connecting on some level to a person or situation that is portrayed in an appealing, validating or funny light. But these shows are not reality and those actors go home to their own personal struggles, successes, and challenges.
There is a parenting book out there that will validate almost whatever parenting style you choose—hands-on, hands-off, traditional, non-traditional, strict, lenient…. Today, allow yourself not to look for validation of your style via books, television, or others parents.
Because the most valuable gift you can provide to your children as their father is a genuine representation of who you are and an honest expression of your love for them. What better way for your children to learn integrity, self-respect and self-love than by witnessing it in the genuine behavior of their father?
At the end of the day, we love our Dad (or those who are like Dads to us) for loving us, not for whether or not our Dad is able to make organic lasagna, attend all the school plays and baseball games, and win every court case he tries. We love our fathers for loving us. The way you love your children is a function of your character, your time, and your values.
Today, become present to and accepting of your own unique role as a father in your children’s lives. Love that, love them. Have a good day. It is yours.