Within my marriage and family therapy practice here in San Diego, the ratio of male to female clients is around 2:1. One of the key insights I have gleaned in collaborating with male clients and their families to uncover personal solutions to relationship problems is the role physical health plays in the equation.
One example of this can sometimes include the role of decreasing testosterone levels (a.k.a. male menopause; a.k.a. andropause) for male clients and the associated impact on their relational issues (whether at work, home, or school). In particular, if you are a highly competent male over 50 years of age, I recommend at least considering the possibility that your testosterone level may be playing a role specific to some of the symptoms of personal and relationship distress you may be experiencing.
Testosterone levels gradually decline throughout adulthood–on average, about one percent a year after age 30. By about age 70, the decrease in a man’s testosterone level can be as much as 50 percent. Low testosterone might cause:
- Changes in sexual function
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Physical changes
- Emotional changes
Some men experience none of these symptoms, or if they do, they are not attributable to lower testosterone levels. Some of these symptoms are a normal part of aging. Some of these symptoms can be caused by various underlying factors, including medication side effects, thyroid problems, depression and excessive alcohol use. A blood test is the only way to diagnose a low testosterone level.
If low testosterone level is diagnosed, whether or not you opt to treat age-related low testosterone with testosterone replacement therapy is a personal choice. For some men, testosterone therapy relieves signs and symptoms of testosterone deficiency. For others the benefits aren’t clear, and the risks are a concern. Testosterone replacement therapy might increase the risk of prostate cancer or other health problems. (Do your research and work with your doctor to weigh the pros and cons.)
Whatever your choice, it is critically important when looking at a relationship or situation that appears damaged or not working to consider not only what is happening, but WHY it is happening and any causes that may lie OUTSIDE the relationship/issue itself. Sometimes we spend 100% of our time attributing the WHY exclusively to psychological and emotional reasons. For example:
- “We never have sex because I am too tired from work and she doesn’t understand this.”
- “I am so angry at the end of a long day—my partner and I can’t even have a discussion about what to have for dinner without my getting agitated.”
- “I am so distraught over the situation at work that I can’t even sleep.”
Any of these symptoms above could be directly attributable to stress and/or relationship issues and resolvable through the exploration and application of therapeutic interventions; but this is not always the only possible answer.
Today, you’ll also want to consider factors outside the situations that are creating anxiety for you or a loved one itself: hormones, health, headaches, etc. In some cases, a holistic approach can ensure you don’t leave unturned the rock under which your total solution lies. The key is to be sure you look at the whole picture – and place a priority on the balance of both your mind and your body.