There is an avalanche of data surrounding marijuana use among teenagers as well as the associated longer-term effects. Given the research and statistics, most articles on the subject make for a depressing read. Two examples (followed by good news, I promise):
- New research shows adolescence is a crucial time for brain development and marijuana use can permanently change the teen brain.
- Young people who start using marijuana before age 18 are much more likely than adults to become addicted to the drug.
- Research from 2003 indicated that 9.9 percent of student respondents nationwide tried marijuana for the first time before the age of 13.
- In the same year (2003) students in grades nine through 12 indicated that 40.2 percent of respondents had used marijuana.
Make no mistake: The “pot” you may have tried as a teenager is not the same product to which your kids are exposed today; marijuana is BIG business. Marijuana growers are expert at growing the most potent on record, and as a result marijuana is now widely regarded as a “gateway drug,” making subsequent use of more potent and disabling substances more likely.
Fortunately, your family is not a number and your fate is not sealed. You have the ability to affect your own teen’s decisions around marijuana. Your own perspective and actions are what YOU can control and there is strength and hope in that position. Here are two areas (of many) where you have a BIG impact (for more, google Multidimensional Family Therapy for Cannabis Users):
A teenager’s good relationship with his/her parents buffers against development of marijuana use, particularly when it comes to parenting practices, such as providing emotional support. Your emotional support can actually reverse the course of negative peer influence even if marijuana use has begun.
Though adolescence involves individuation from parental influence, kids using marijuana tend to be TOO far removed or disconnected. This can be an (unintentional) function of a parent who in subtle ways “rejects” their teen due to their disapproval of decisions, actions or relationships. Stay connected.
When we look at statistics and dangers associated with teenage marijuana use, it’s easy to believe these things are out of our hands—and some of us might even say, “What’s the big deal? We did it when we were kids and look, we turned out fine.”
One of the most important factors in your child’s perceptions about marijuana is your perceptions about it and those perceptions are only powerful to the extent that you have an influential relationship with your child. Some of you are thinking, “How in the world can I control my relationship with my son/daughter when he/she is so determined to make their own decisions and keep things from me?”
The key is that we are not addressing your entire relationship with your child here–we are looking specifically at the influence that comes from your accessibility, availability, and respect for your teen (even during the sometimes turbulent years). Start by validating your child’s experience and struggles. Embrace any chance you have to express to your child, “I get it; I see what you mean,” or “That does sound tough.” And if it is hard for you to relate (as it often can be); think about who amongst us would go back to our teen years if given the chance? The fact is being a teen really is tough duty and not getting any easier.
It CAN be hard to relate to your teen in this way especially if you feel your teen is making poor choices, disobeying family or school rules, or disrespecting you. Your natural reaction may be to distance yourself from your child. Truth is, your child does sense your subtle rejection and sadly it actually works against your efforts to positively influence him/her. Attempt to validate your son’s/daughter’s experience on a daily basis.
Just as in marriage or partnership, you have no influence unless you are willing to be influenced yourself. Think of it this way: You ask your partner if he thinks you should wear a long or short dress to an event you are excited about attending (this time without him), and perhaps he responds you should “wear neither and in fact you shouldn’t go at all.” He has quickly excluded himself from your circle of influence–at least with respect to this decision. A similar response from parents to their own kids can result in similar outcomes.
Look for opportunities to recognize and validate your child’s experience. In this way you keep him/her closer to you and less likely to get closer to marijuana and those who are using it. At the end of the day, all the kids are NOT doing it; and you have a front row seat as to the choices your kids (and those you care about) are making.
I encourage you to take a stand, get involved, be respectful, and make a positive difference in the future of your teen.