Answers:
a. Bad marriage
b. Bad divorce
c. None of the above
It is clear that severe discord in a marriage is detrimental to the children involved. Long-term (pre-school through age 15) research by John Gottman, PhD on the effects of hostile marriages on children showed higher levels of the following compared to children from healthy marriages:
- Truancy
- Depression
- Peer rejection
- Behavioral problems
- Aggression
- Low achievement at school or school failure
But the answer to healthy children does not lie so much in being married or divorced as much as it does in how you and your partner (or ex) interact and deal with conflict.
To the point: Gottman found that children of divorce where the divorce and subsequent relationship between the ex’s was contentious also resulted in negative outcomes for the children involved. A contentious divorce or relationship post-divorce can be just as detrimental to the children.
Divorce is not, contrary to common vernacular, the ‘end of a relationship.’ Rather, it is a dramatic and permanent change in the nature of the relationship. You will always be connected to your spouse or partner. What that connection looks like—and how it affects your children—is more under your control than you may think.
Whether the outcome to relationship examination and improvement is a healthy marriage or a healthy divorce, the outcome for your children will be improved through an improved interaction style between you and your partner.