Therapy and coaching are not dissimilar—especially when it comes to marriage and family therapy. As I mention in the FAQ area of this website, I believe a good marriage and family therapist will collaborate with clients on important goals, shared commitment, effort, change—and results. What actions might you as the client take in the process?
August Turak (described as a “worldly monk,” “highly successful entrepreneur” and a “bottom-line leader”) recommends five characteristics that make way for what he defines as “coachability” and what I would encourage you to view as, simply, CHANGE. They are listed below, including an example of how you can use each when working with a trained therapist to improve your most important relationships:
Humility: Because I seek advice, guidance, coaching in this one area of my life, this does not mean I have failed. It is the understanding that others can help me that allows me to grow stronger and wiser. I am humbled and awed by what I don’t yet understand. Is my heart open?
Bias for Action: How can I take what is being shared with me and move forward with action, however small?
Purity of purpose: I am seeking help in order to be a better person, partner, parent, colleague—not to prove someone else is wrong.
Willingness to surrender control: I am open to someone else’s direction in exploring new paths toward harmony in my most important relationships. Perhaps I am here in therapy because it has taken a crisis in my relationship in order for me to finally be open and surrender control.
Faith: Things will get better for me. I am moving in the right direction.
When looking at a relationship you’d like to improve, look first at yourself, and when seeking counseling or coaching, keep in mind one or all of the characteristics above. Be open to answers and know they will come—from your head and from your heart. Enjoy the ambiguity that allows growth and depth to occur.