When it comes to relationship busters, work stress is on the top of the short-list. Work stress does not directly correlate with your spouse—but it can have a significant and adverse affect on your relationship and overall feelings of connectedness. The vast majority of us experience work stress, including never-ending lists of deadlines and projects; difficult relationships at work; dissatisfaction with a job; or maybe even the demands that come with a changing industry.
Often, we can successfully manage stressors at work in part by working to change our reactions or response to the stressors. Job stressors can be effectively dealt with in a variety of ways including:
- Leveraging humor
- Seeking out the support of colleagues/peers whom you admire and are well-respected
- Agreeing on a shift (which can be temporary or more permanent) in priorities or deadlines
- Negotiating positive changes in job responsibilities or duties
- Becoming aware of your physical response to stress
Changing your emotional responses to work-related stressors
Work stress can decrease when we can take a deep breath and recognize we have options. (I can work with you individually to develop tools for effectively dealing with stress that are in close alignment with your personality style as well as professional and personal goals.)
As you work to address the reality of stressors at work, recognize that you are not working in a vacuum—you are concurrently improving relationships important to you personally, professionally, as well as at home. A few thoughts to consider to protect precious relationships at home as you transition toward a more comfortable approach and response to work-related stress:
Acknowledge your state of mind: share your experience of work-related stress with your partner. And if your partner shares that he/she is stressed at work, try and listen with an open heart even though it seems that conversely your partner may not be emotionally available for you (this certainly should be more the exception than the rule).
Consider some compartmentalizing: It is harder and harder to “turn work off” when you walk through the door—as you and your spouse/partner may still be checking work-related emails and texts and perhaps even trying to complete projects from home. As I have described in previous posts, in today’s ever-wired world, we all need to make a concerted effort to find agreed-upon ways to “turn off” the world beyond our home. This is a good idea, for the sake of ourselves, our partners, and our children. Please consider turning work off when you walk through the door for an agreed-upon number of days over the course of a week. This will allow you to practice compartmentalizing work stress and focus on recharging your own batteries through improved family relationships.
Improvements self-perpetuate: The skills you develop in learning to manage work relationships and demands are skills you can apply to your relationship with your spouse or partner. As you identify tools for experiencing more harmony at work, you will find you are bringing harmony home with you. Work can and should enrich your whole life. Expect those results.
Remember: We are all practicing every day (some days better than others) and we have many, many options in dealing with our work situation. The act of practicing different patterns of thoughts and actions in response to work stress is a very powerful approach towards stress management. A change in a thought or idea becomes a change in action, pattern, and often a change in overall results for improved outcomes. Take a small step today toward decreasing your work-related stress (it will always be there). Remind yourself of the reasonable priority work-related stress should have in your life versus the priority is has currently.