Couples Therapy San Diego

Couples Counseling

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples in San Diego

  • Are you feeling fearful and/or uncertain about the future of your relationship with your partner?
  • Are either or both of you becoming increasingly burned out and/or feeling detached from each other?
  • Are you beginning to wonder if you can ever depend on your partner when you need them?
  • Do you want to get closer to your partner but find yourself actually pushing him/her away instead?
  • Is either or both of you becoming increasingly isolated and feel you’re losing connection with each other?

Your relationship is not LOST or gone. Your emotions are leading you toward patterns of behavior, action and reaction that are no longer serving you (or perhaps even your partner). Your emotions may feel like “natural” responses to current situations but often, very often, they are not natural and they are not responses to current situations; rather, they are unconscious reactions to a fear of emotional loss based upon previous life experiences.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT for short) will help. EFT has proven to be the strongest, most successful, empirically validated (proven) type of couple’s therapy. “Whereas other forms of couple therapy have been shown in studies to be only about 35 percent effective in repairing relationships, EFT developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, has achieved a 75 percent success rate. Fully 86 percent of couples report feeling happier in their relationships, and results are long lasting.” (Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson)

EFT is considered short-term (8-20 sessions) and allows us to assess what is going on in your relationship and identify appropriate change strategies and interventions. Together, we will look at change processes and predictors of success. You and your partner will come to an understanding of where you are emotionally in your relationship, patterns you’ve developed in your relationship that aren’t working and how to change them, with the goal of developing higher levels of trust, intimacy, and satisfaction by way of an enhanced emotional bond with one another.

The type of couples counseling I practice with my patients – EFT – allows them to see what is really happening emotionally for themselves AND with their partner, separate the signals from the noise, and regain balance, safety and security in their relationship.

Perhaps you and your partner are wondering if it is time to take “the next step”—whatever that may be. You may be considering marriage, moving in together, starting a family, or even considering going your separate ways. The goal of the couple’s therapy I practice is to identify where your emotional needs are being met, where they are not, why not, and what you can do about it. This allows you and your partner to determine emotional compatibility and commitment. I do this with you through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

I practice short-term, solutions-oriented, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT for short). EFT is the strongest, most successful, empirically validated (proven) type of couple’s therapy. It is short-term (8-20 sessions) and allows me, as your therapist, to assess what is going on in your relationship and identify change strategies and interventions.

We will look at change processes and predictors of success. You and your partner will come to an understanding of where you are emotionally in your relationship, patterns you’ve developed in your relationship that aren’t working and how to change them, with the goal of experiencing a true, trusting, emotional bond with your partner.

You don’t need to have experienced a major trauma in your life to see fear and misperception in your relationship. Yes, I DO help clients deal with major past trauma that is affecting current relationships, but this is not the norm. Often little emotional cracks occur simply because we’re not aware, not looking, not noticing.

An example: You have a rough day at work—a report you’ve requested is not being put together according to your specifications and you blow up at your team. Your boss pulls you aside and adds insult to injury by telling you that you are too hot-headed. You go out with your partner that night and become irritated and raise your voice with the server when your order takes too long and is incorrect. Your partner says you are being “hot headed”. All of a sudden, without your even knowing, perhaps, you have made an internal, emotional connection between your partner and the feeling of being judged, being wrong, having your job threatened, not feeling safe. You don’t feel connected to your partner and you don’t feel safe. You may withdraw, draw conclusions about the relationship as a whole, become resentful.

I have been trained extensively in EFT by Dr. Sue Johnson, Dr. Scott Wooley, and Dr. Mark Kaupp. Two good books about EFT:

  • Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
  • The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection by Dr. Sue Johnson

Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy helps clients to identify unhealthy patterns in their relationships and use scientifically proven techniques to interrupt negative cycles for improved connection. A lot of what we focus on in marriage in marriage and/or couples therapy is “repairing attachment injuries.” This repair work makes the relationship safer, more secure, and allows each partner to reach toward the other rather than continue to turn away.

The investment you make to understand your relationship could save you immeasurable time, economic and emotional turmoil down the road. I look forward to hearing from you today.