The good news: Not everyone who worries a lot has an anxiety disorder. You may be anxious because of an overly demanding schedule, lack of exercise or sleep, pressure at home or work, or even from too much coffee.
We all experience anxiety at different times and for different reasons: a stressful work environment, a new baby, change in relationship status, a physical move or death of a loved one. Anxiety tells us that something in our environment is out of balance. Think: too much work, too little love, too many new people, too much responsibility.
But consider this: It could be that it is OUR RELATIONSHIP with our environment that is out of balance. An example may be the arrival of a New Baby: You are getting much less sleep than before; you are experiencing a much different dynamic with your partner than before; your ability to assess a “good job” from a “bad job” as a parent is dramatically different from the criteria for success used by the outside working world and to which you may have been accustomed. The result for you may be anxiety. The anxiety may extend well beyond what is helpful to you and your child in terms of protection. You may be UNABLE to rest, trust, relax, enjoy.
On the more extreme side of the anxiety/worry spectrum are anxiety DISORDERS. They are a group of related conditions that can look very different from person to person but that share one major symptom: persistent or severe fear or worry in situations where most people wouldn’t feel threatened. One individual may suffer from intense anxiety attacks that strike without warning, while another gets panicky at the thought of mingling at a party. Someone else may struggle with a disabling fear of driving, or uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts. Yet another may live in a constant state of tension, worrying about anything and everything.
Whether the anxiety you feel is acute or chronic, mild or severe, a significant factor in decreasing anxiety is: Accepting Uncertainty. The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in anxiety and worry.
Chronic worriers can’t stand doubt or unpredictability. They need to know with 100 percent certainty what’s going to happen. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future has in store—a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. You may feel safer when you’re worrying, but it’s just an illusion. Focusing on worst-case scenarios won’t keep bad things from happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present.
For today, consider exploring one area where demanding certainty is helpful and just one area where it is not. (I work directly with clients to help them to identify areas specific to them and to identify appropriate coping strategies for them.) Going back to the “New Baby” example above: While it may be critical to demand certainty in knowing that your baby is safe and warm and well-fed, it may be detrimental to your mental and physical well-being to demand certainty about the house work being maintained, or your work routine being maintained as it was before motherhood. It may be detrimental to require certainty about zero exposure of your baby to germs and risk.
Another example may be an anticipated downsizing at work: Rather than focusing on controlling whether or not YOU are downsized (in many situations, this is out of the employee’s control), consider focusing on what can you do to prepare yourself for whatever outcome DOES occur, e.g., update your LinkedIn resume, let connectors within your network know you are exploring opportunities, look for available career opportunities on Craigslist, CareerBuilder, or Monster. Consider areas of your life where it makes more sense to focus on your ability to DEAL EFFECTIVELY with problems that do arise rather than to focus on managing your anxiety in the event that problems do arise.